Leon Stumble’s Book of Stupid Fairytales

Leon Stumble is one of the world’s most boring writers. But his fortunes change when his girlfriend Cassie suggests he give a number of favourite fairytales a new twist.

We probably don’t need to go into too much detail about this book, since the title says it all. They’re fairytales and they’re stupid. Craig Smith did the pictures.

The book starts with a rejection letter, which most writers have received and which can be very depressing:

Dear Leon Stumble,
I’m afraid we cannot publish your children’s book, The History of Paste. I’ll be as polite as I can. It stinks. I tried reading it out to a group of schoolchildren. They paid me to stop.

This is the tenth time you have tried to write a children’s book for our company. Your first attempt was Fun with Coal. I thought it was impossible to make coal more boring than it is, but somehow you managed. And no, it wouldn’t work as a pop-up book. People don’t want lumps of coal popping up in their faces.

Your next effort was Interesting Things To Do With Your Arm. Not one of the things you listed was interesting. Two of them were dangerous. I took your work home to line my cat’s litter box. She then refused to use it. I buried your pages in the garden. All the flowers died.

Your problem is that you choose boring things to write about. Exciting Turkey was the worst. There is nothing exciting about a big fat chook. Until you can think of more interesting subjects, please stop bothering us. I cannot return your latest work, as the mice ate it. They got food poisoning.

Kind regards,
Una Spooner.

When the book was reprinted, the publisher, Jane Covernton, decided to brighten up the cover. The art director gave Jane five choices. Do you think she selected the right one?

The cover of the first edition was more traditional. I like it. But Mark MacLeod (no relation), who used to be the national president of the Children’s Book Council of Australia, told me that the sky in the picture was a baby poo colour. I’m no expert. Does this colour really come out of babies?

Jane Covernton loved the text illustrations but requested that Craig change a few. You may notice a subtle difference in these two pictures. Jane thought it might be better if Snow White’s dress wasn’t see-through.

Sue Asplin of the Hokitika Dramatic Society in New Zealand achieved the near-impossible when she managed to stage a musical based on the book. (Hokitika is a small town of about 4000 on the West Coast of the South Island.) The cast aged from eight to thirteen. I think my favourite costume is the one for the robot princess, Cinderolla, where a wheelie-bin has been ingeniously adapted for theatrical purposes..